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Highlight of wif's inbox subjects on this lovely Friday.

In other news: hubby left wif today. For the whole weekend. Which hubby will be spending at WIF'S COTTAGE in the in Adirondaks. Did she mention WITHOUT WIF. Instead of his loving spouse, hubby will be joined by wif's father, brother, uncle and twin cousins. Proceed with emphatic whining.... as a human wif may solely exist to epitomize that life is not fair.

Top of the Heap Tuesday

Alright, alright- so wif knows you're all DYING in anticipation for today's Top of the Heap Tuesday Wednesday. And even though wif's having to tape her eyelids up to write this she will tough it out because she loves you so...

So without further adieu, may wif present to you, her staple, her own true love, the apple of her eye...

Clean & Clear Foaming Facial Cleanser for Sensitive Skin!!

So for most of wif's teenage years (ok fine and some of her twenties) she was abusive. To her skin. She had struggled with acne since she was born since about the age you start caring about appearance and she was always fighting back. Because that's how you kill pimples right? Harsh face washes and toxic creams, limited moisture and extra washing. Except guess what? IT'S ALL LIES.

Your face just needs some loving. [Baby, I need your lovin'...Got to have all your lovin'] Wif has no idea why one day she made the shift (okay so maybe it had to do with her hours of research) but when she started using this incredible gentle wash (don't ask wif how it cleans so well - apparently it's soap free and somehow that's a good thing?) - in conjunction with several other marvelous goods, wif's skin has made a complete 180. Smooth skinnnnnnn - it feels so wonderful! And for about $5 for 8 ounces (lasts at least a month!) you really don't have to put your life savings to work to combat those whiteheaded devils. Truly glorious.

PS: If you don't believe wif (poor choice) even Paula Begoun - beauty product extraordinaire, back wif up here. Clean and Clear's Foaming Facial Cleanser for Sensitive Skin is named one of the top 3 Best Cleansers for Normal to Oily Skin for Recession Proof Beauty. So there.

Top of the Heap Tuesdays

Hello friends! You're in for a real treat today:D

Wif is beginning a new tradition here @ chunkingdunkingblog to share very vital information with the whole wide world.

You see, wif does not EVER buy ANYTHING without wasting far too much time researching. For instance, it takes wif approximately 3.2 hours of research to decide on a new mascara to try. Because of this giant waste of time dedicated investigation wif. Additionally, things tend to go wrong with wif occasionally daily (for instance white hairs at age 12, acne forever, bone spurs and osteoarthritis at age 22, and various unmentionables). Therefore and henceforth, wif clearly needs to have the right stuff to make life work (you know like great hair dye, acne prevention/treatment, comfy shoes, lovely mascara, and other such trivial crucial things).

What does all this mean? Marvelous products carefully winnowed from the masses of overpriced JUNK. And now... for our first TOP OF THE HEAP TUESDAY!!

**(coming tomorrow - sure it's wednesday but you'll still love it: guaranteed!)

PS: Wif is yet to find a fitting picture for "Top of the Heap" - ideas welcomed! In the meantime, please enjoy this random photo that brought wif great joy:


ohhhh the cuteness of kitties in frog helmets, even though a)wif is so allergic the photo is making my nose itch and b) this looks poorly photoshopped. dang it.

Giggle on a Tuesday

Wif should reallllyyy be studying. She is slightly buried under a pile of homework. But instead - she thought it a perfect opportunity to share a bit of wit to help you through your Tuesday (which is only 3 days away from a better day of the week).

"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door." - Jerry Seinfeld

“A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.” -- Jay Leno

”Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us were schizophrenic?” -- Lily Tomlin

And finally, one that wif feels is particularly fitting for her:

”Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’" -- Charlie Brown, Peanuts

HAPPY TUESDAY!:]

Echo much?

Hello (helloooo) - that is wif's echo bouncing off these dang empty walls.

Friends - are you out there!?

Wif knows you are. Right? Wif posted this on her facebook so surely at least like 1.3 million loving buddies have read these posts right?

But where is the love and endless support friends?

Just a comment or two hundred will do just fine.

[Pleasssseeeee, with a delicious Godiva chocolate covered strawberry on top - wif is begging you.]

Entrails Update

Today is a lovely day for wif. One of those crisp-makes-you-want-cider-and-donuts fall days with just the right amount of sunshine and delicious breezyness. Also wif's intestines are all joyfully silent. Obviously wif took special care of them today. Sleeping in. Having a nice warm chocolate chip and pecan cookie with her morning coffee and then rounding out the afternoon with a light junker plate from Tom Wahl's:

Please note that this photo is only slightly misleading. Wif obviously had a animal-free veggie burger and subbed some very healthful butter and redhot wingsauce for the traditional chockful-o'-cow hot sauce. Also ,this picture is of a original garbage plate, found only downtown @ Nick Tahoe's with knockoffs abundant throughout the Roch-cha-cha area. The good news is while Tom Wahl's can't use the copywritten term "garbage plate" they do use delectable french fries instead of home fries and still stick in some great mac salad under that pile'o'yum.

Since wif returned home and washed it all down with some more java, cookies and some tasty fruity pasta* her body feels so well-nourished and complacent. *Sigh.*

See, all it takes is a little TLC and maybe your aching belly can be cured too...

*In case you've been out of the loop: here's the next best thing to sliced bread (and junker plates and cookies and coffee and chocolate covered strawberries.)---------------------------------------------->

Technicolor Yawning

Had one of those curled-up-in-a-tiny-ball-crying and moaning-barely-able-over-the-blender-gone-haywire-sounds-of-your-stomach episodes last night. Rawrg. The whole mess seemed rather unprovoked and entirely inhumane. A wonton attack on the innards. Although wif did attend a family clambake that evening she did not even partake in the cockle-consumption. Rather she inhaled dined on ranch doritos and boxed fine red wine. Nothing out of the ordinary or even sort of deserving of the great suffering to come.

[Wif was like 102,327 times more classy than this when drinking her fancy beverage out of a plastic cup.

Saturday, September 12th:

12:32am. - Convulsions begins. Spleen attempts to climb through liver and out of wif's body.

1:04am. - Hubby arrives home. Finds wif curled up on the living room floor pounding fists.

1:22am. - Hubby carries whiny and tummy-gurgling wif up to bed where her small intestine joins the spleen in it's violent getaway attempts.

1:50am - Wif uncurls and crawls to the bathroom and finally her guts forcibly politely excuse themselves.

2:03am - Wif feels quite pleasant and relieved. Disgusted, but very content indeed. Ahhhh the sweet slumber of the healthy.

Now if only wif could figure out what in the world caused the rioting on the part of her innards... any hypotheses???

Need for Speed Meets a Whole Rafter of Cuteness

Amidst the research-filled morning of wif's there was a very wonderful glimmer of fun.





GOOooooOOOOOoooooo


KARRRTTT


INNNNGaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!


Welp, that pretty much sums it up. Fun times had by all.

Also: we nearly ran over some unarmingly adorable baby wild turkeys, or wild baby turkeys, or something. A rafter or a gang if you will. Either way hubby's excellent gokart-driving-skills saved us all.

"blllahhhh MOMMMM - where do we go - where do we go now - blahhhh!!(#%*#%"

A Rose and Snoozy Mutt

Rose: RiteAid gets a major rose this week. Long ago wif bought some more of her absolutely fav mascara ...

LASHBLASTEDDDDD. and it is superb. trust wif.

but here's the catchycatch - WIF IS SO VERY DIM wif must have been daydreamin' of very meaningful stuff because she (the ever careful shopper) ended up with BROWN. and wif has very black eyelashes (with stupid blonde tips - rarggh). Needless to say, brown mascara simply will not do on black eyelashes. In her endless dimness However, wif did not notice the browness of the new mascara until she had applied it and was dumbfounded right in front of the mirror.

Oh yes, back to the rose: RiteAid still took back the brown mascara (which was very much open and even a little used) and even gave wif a brand spanky new BLACK lash blast. hip hip hoooooorrayyy.

THANK YOU RITEAID - ROSE FOR YOU!

also... sleepy dog head says hello from next to wif:

And now a quick message from our sponsor:

Wif's been working on shortening her posts. Well, actually she just decided that there is enough to read in the world without her rambling lengthy posts. So, in light of that, here's a quickie.

One of wif's favorite things in the the whole widy world is when her rescue puppy looks at here in his happy tail-waggy way with one tooth stuck on the outside of his mouth. Someday she'll have to catch it on film for all the doggie smile fans out there. But for now here is a pretty fair representation:

Oh the glee of a happy pup - it's contagious eh?

Lumpy Nails

Why is it that the things that make wif want to blog the most are the things that make her very, very angry? Perhaps it is because wif so badly wants sweet revenge on whoever makes the cruddy things wants to protect you, oh happy reader, from similar anger-inducing events/ products.

Onto grumpy things:

The other day wif purchased a new and lovely looking thing at Wally World. It was a beautiful purple nail pen, specifically SALLY HANSEN COLOR QUICK FAST DRY NAIL PEN*, with promises of making my hands hand-model worthy, instant manicures that are completely stress-free, and a million dollars in every package

• New fast dry nail color formula packaged in an easy-to-use, take anywhere spill-proof pen!
• Just click to dispense color, brush on and go!
• Handy application makes it easy to use anytime, anywhere.
• Great for pedicures, too!

Sally Hansen, you sit on a throne of lies... I was full of excitement about this genius idea with such a kickin color. So I very meticulously applied the grape hue to my phalanges. And this was no easy task because the polish was spewing out like an unpredictable volcano and gopping up on impact. It took me a good twenty minutes to come any where near an acceptable coat. But guess what, even after half an hour of waiting patiently to jump on my husband go to sleep without fear of ruining my nails, they still got bumpy and gooey and icky in every way. ANGER. Nails are way too much work to cause so very much anger.

In summary: This is the single most annoying nail product wif has every laid my eyes on. Do not pay for such agony.

*Do not let the caps lock confuse you. It's there as a RED FLAG - DO NOT BUY THIS THING IN CAPS LOCK. It is evil.

** Wif tried to find a hilarious picture of ugly bumpy nails for you. Sadly, this was a traumatizing experience and such google searches are better left alone. Yikes!